ilovecharts: Another favorite from SMBC. This is...

ilovecharts:

Another favorite from SMBC. This is important advice, my fellow geeks.

THIS! Ugh.

I swear, the next moderately-attractive female that I encounter who complains about ‘not being able to get any’ will be promptly backhanded with a solid 4-knuckle schlap.

I can’t even begin to relate how many female friends and former love/sexual interests of mine have, in seeming sincerity, complained to me in confidence how stricken they are by a drought of cock. Yes, that’s right, you reading this from my Facebook feed - you all know who you are!

GIRLS: LISTEN! Guys are all roaming sperm cannons that are constantly searching for targets. Most of the men who are not serial rapists have absolutely no reservations whatsoever about having sexual encounters or entering into emotionally fulfilling relationships. The only thing preventing them from unlatching the sluice and releasing the flood, as it were, is the word ‘go’ springing forth from your lips.

If a male shows even the slightest signs of interest in you, then chances are that even the tiniest modicum of encouragement will see the both of you in a state of enthusiastic coitus.

Anyone who doubts the emotional autism of females with regards to reading the signals from the opposite sex should talk to my girlfriend, who after stalking me at university and becoming infatuated told me straight to my face that we were and ever will be ‘just friends’. I threw so many overt signals at her (including physical ones) that I could say I stopped short of Semaphore and Morse-code.

And so in conclusion I have this advice to females looking for love and good times. Approach a male you like and say the following:

Let’s have sex - I’m not even kidding.

make sure your face is deadpan whilst delivering the line and that you have firm eye contact. Your success rate will be in the zone of about 90% If the guy laughs it off as a joke or a statutory-rape trap, simply state that it is not the case.

Soblem prolved.